My sexual history: wanted to wait til marriage, but was raped @ 17. dated and had sex with someone i was very close with at 18. and now i have sex with my current bf.
His sexual history: grew up around females, like dad was always at work. hes used to not chasing girls AT ALL. they just flock to him. he lost his virginity to some girl when he was like 15 or 16, in a beach changing tent!! they had only dated like a day or two! He has never had a long-term gf. hes had a dozen one-night-stands..... resulting from drinking at a party. he doesnt hit on girls. they take his hand and lead him to a bedroom and hes all for it.
Am i being too harsh by withholding sex?
You need a good psychologist ,you have issues still from your rape.This is not going to go away until you deal with youself first.
and yes he feals down because of your problems....please seak healp...or live him ...he does not deserve this...
Good luck.
Am i being too harsh by withholding sex?
we just bang heads all day long with this arguement. it exhausts me and im sure him too..... but i do have my own to deal with... and it is brining him down. and that ultimately depresses me. i do love him. and he doesnt deserve the emotional rollarcoaster ride ive been sending him on.
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you dont have to give it up if you dont want to follow your heart and if he has a problem then he dont deserve you are doing the right thing!
Too answer your main question, Am I being to harsh by withholdinh sex?, the only answer is No...
See a therapist the issues are too complex to be answered here by goodness knows who.
Sounds like your boyfriend is using sex to coerce you into things you dont%26#039; want to do. If you don%26#039;t want to have sex, then don%26#039;t. More than likely he%26#039;ll break up with you, however always remember that if he truly loved you and truly valued you as a person he wouldn%26#039;t force you (by words) into having sex.
okay....hes just saying those **** so he can make you feel bad, you an idoit to give it to him and no one is gonan read all that **** that you wrote its boring and too much crap, just leave him and find a guy who acutally cares about you and sorry you got raped.
I%26#039;m sorry that you were raped but punishing yoru boyfriend for it isn%26#039;t doing anyone any good. If you don%26#039;t address this issue, you stand a good chance of losing your boyfriend and any other man you meet in the future.
It sounds like you should seek some counseling.
People here will not be able to tell you if you should have sex with your bf or not.
Under normal circumstances, I would feel very unloved and hurt too, however, your situation isn%26#039;t normal either.
I would consider both a personal counselor, and a couples counselor.
I wish you well.
%26quot;Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it%26quot;
The man who really loves will not ever pressure you into having sex if you are not comfortable with it. Having sex with someone to keep them happy is not a good reason to be having intercourse. I think you should re-evaluate what makes you think you love this man because it sounds like he%26#039;s only satisfied with what makes him happy. He sounds selfish. While no man will ever understand what you went through, the one that loves you will do everything to make you happy. You deserve to be respected, and it doesn%26#039;t sound like your current boyfriend is capable of treating you with respect. Don%26#039;t let him walk all over you.
if he really loved you he would understand and respect the way you feel, dont give in to him if your not ready then your not ready, if he cant wait give him a roll of toilet paper and send him of to the bathroom, if thats not enough for him then show him the door
if your not ready he should understand that!u r NOT being 2 harsh!
OK one thing first he is mad because you slept with Adam but he doesn%26#039;t say nothing about who he slept with. Kinda sounds like me, me, me, or I%26#039;ll cry. SOunds liek a guy who has no morals for anyone but himself. Love has nothing to do with sex. Your not taking love away just because you not having sex with him. He should respect your feelings and not pressure you since you came out and told him w hat had happened to you. Seems like all he thinks is about himself. amd is so used to just going out with someone and just having sex and nothing about love and emotions toward girls. SO it will probaby best to let him go and move on. Because if he loved you so much why pressure you, kissing and cuddling is good and makes a relationship stronger. SO if this idiot just keeps pressuring you kick him to the curb and find a nice guy who will respect you. Need soemone to chat with just IM or e-mail me anytime.
he needs to understand that you were raped and that is not something to take lightly. He has issues and he needs to understand if he truly cared for you he won%26#039;t pressure you into having sex. A relationship is more than sex, its trust, caring, sharing and respect. I would dump him he only seems interested in having sex, and more sex. He is not use to a relationship with sharing and giving so he needs to learn that its not all about him but the two of you.
Well, honey, If you don%26#039;t want to have sex and you wanna wait til marriage, you have every right to do so. Anyone that pressures you to have sex obviously doesn%26#039;t love like they say they do. It is pretty obvious based on his history that he doesn%26#039;t really know what love is yet. You need to move on and find someone who%26#039;s on the same page as you, and will be willing to wait.
Ok, I don%26#039;t wanna sound harsh but...
WHAT AN ****!.. FRIGGIN DUMB BUTT!!..
Girl, wake up!.. It%26#039;s YOUR body.. YOURS ..not his!
If he%26#039;s soooo in love with you, he%26#039;d wait AND he wouldn%26#039;t make you go through this hell!...
You have to start laying the cards down on the table.
He should show some respect. You were raped!..
you were traumatised.
It%26#039;s 100% normal to wanna have too much sex, or no sex at all.
Some people are just overly horny and some aren%26#039;t.
Yes, we all know.. he IS you%26#039;re boyfriend, and we DO do a lot to make relationships work out... But still.
THIS is different, he really needs to start giving you a break and you have to get your act together. You did a really good thing to talk to him like that that night. AWESOME !!!
I woulda left him already waaaay sooner ..
but hey.. If he keeps it up, let it go.
there are guys just like him out there, that are more patient or that dont focus on sex as much.
you%26#039;re only 19!!.. you have a life ahead of you!.
dont let this ONE GUY make you go through this %26#039;hell%26#039;.. its not fair to you..
If he really wants to %26#039;get something on%26#039; he can go in the other room and masterbate.
Trust me.. there ARE guys out there who would respect you ..
I%26#039;m serious, be careful, take care of yourself!.
you only live once,
Respect yourself and try to do things YOUR way..
its not his body thats being penetrated, its yours.
Oh and also,
Only cause you slept with Adam doesn%26#039;t mean you gotta sleep with this guy if you don%26#039;t want to!..
every relationship is different and different feelings and emotions are provoked.
so .. THAT is something he shouldn%26#039;t be arguing about.
I wish you the best of Luck!
That%26#039;s SO wrong....Girl, I%26#039;m sorry, but if he%26#039;s doing that you have only TWO choices, and NO alternatives:
1. Confront him and really, REALLY explain how you feel about the sitch.
2. Break up with him, but gently. Not %26quot;You%26#039;re such an *!@%@%26amp;*!e.%26quot; What you SHOULD say is %26quot;Lokk, I%26#039;m sorry, but if you%26#039;re going to pressure me into having sex when I%26#039;m clearly uncomfortable/not ready yet, then it%26#039;s time we go our seperate ways. I love you, but I can%26#039;t love someone who only wants to force me into having sex.%26quot;
I understand that it might hurt you emotionally, but it%26#039;s for the best. Trust me. Many guys do that to girls and end up breking up with them soon after anyways because they just wanted bonus points. You can agree or disagree, but I%26#039;m just giving advice. Just remember one thing-No girl should be pressured to have sex when she%26#039;s not ready because many consequences happen in return soon after.
first of all you are not withholding anything! If it doesn%26#039;t feel right to you it isn%26#039;t. He can not and should not MAKE you feel guilty about having sex. If you are always fighting over having sex than that relationship isn%26#039;t worth it and he%26#039;s not worth the trouble it is causing you. you might want to see a therapist to help you deal with the rape issue if you haven%26#039;t already. you also might want to get yourself tested for std%26#039;s if he%26#039;s had as many one night stands as you say he has( it%26#039;s better to be safe than sorry). I wish you all the best of luck.
Well that is a lot, and I%26#039;m sure it%26#039;s not easy going through it. Okay, my answer is thus: While I don%26#039;t think you are being a prude I do think you are being a slight bit unreasonable. The problem is you are giving away your body (and your power) to men because THEY want it. The long and short of it is, it%26#039;s your body, if you don%26#039;t want sex, then don%26#039;t have sex. NO one has the right to take from you what you don%26#039;t want to give. That has already happened to you and I%26#039;m really sorry about it. Understandably you have some serious issues dealing with sex. Your very indecisive about whether to give or not give your bf sex and what I hearing you say is you don%26#039;t like it and really would prefer that you didn%26#039;t have to do it. With that said, you can%26#039;t really expect your bf - or any man - to be in a sexless relationship. What I think you need to do is get some counseling. If you%26#039;ve already been, then go back because you haven%26#039;t yet resolved your issues with intimacy and sex. Again, quite understandable. But you can%26#039;t expect any man to wait forever. Because seriously, even after you are married - and probably especially so - you won%26#039;t want to have sex then either and sexual intimacy is the foundation for marrige in the beginning. For now you should refrain from being in a relationship - especially since your bf won%26#039;t wait - and just work on you. Get yourself together to the point that you can have a healthy relationship, that will include sex (sex is great when you can experience it the right way and because you want and desire the other person - not because you feel obligated to do it). I hope I helped you, good luck.
